Monthly Archives: September 2014


“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”  Galatians 5:22 NIV

A Fruitful Marraige


As Christians, all of us have the Holy Spirit of Christ living in us and His power available to us. If we are fully surrendered to Him, there should be evidence of it, and one of the most obvious signs is the presence of the fruit of the Spirit. Last month, we talked about the fruit of PATIENCE being evident in our marriages. This month we’re looking at KINDNESS.

Kindness is more than being polite, or nice– it’s going out of your way to grant favor, help, or bless someone. The Bible has a lot to say about kindness.

Romans 11:22– we are called to continue in His kindness.

Titus 3:4-5 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us…

Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Sounds a bit like the Fruits of the Spirit!)

I like the idea of being “tenderhearted” in the New Living Translation: Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

And ladies, Titus 2:5 calls us to kindness right before submission to our husbands, and we are told to act this way so we won’t give God a bad name!. …be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Showing Kindness to Your Spouse

We all know what kindness is. How do we show it to our spouses? I think showing kindness might be like speaking their love language, different for each person. You can always ASK what’s a good way, but sometimes spouses (okay, WIVES) feel like if she has to tell you, it doesn’t count! Here are some practical ideas. Try them and take note of the response! (Thanks to my Facebook friends sharing how their spouses show kindness to them.)

From the male perspective–

  • [My wife] is a fantastic cook, and I really appreciate coming home to a great dinner!
  • [My wife] is very appreciative of me; I love when I come home from work and she’s excited to see me and runs to the door to greet me.  Also, the little things she does for me are very kind (the small thoughtful things like buying something I would like while she’s grocery shopping, even if it’s something she wouldn’t usually buy or want to buy).

And from the girls–

  • My husband is such a kind person – he shows me constant kindness being a servantin our home and outside of it!  Specifically, in the home he gets me whatever I need or want, and will ask me if he can do anything for me.
  • The other night we were having a fight (heavy disagreement discussion – short phrase ‘fight’) of sorts.  We just couldn’t see eye to eye.  We had to end it so we could go to sleep… The next morning I had to play piano at church and go early.  He got up – even though things weren’t fully resolved – made me coffee and helped me get out the door.  He could have stayed mad at me (since I *was* being rather disagreeable).  That is not only kind, it is noble.
  • My husband shows kindness to me by being patient with my shortcomings,extremely helpful with house/baby when he knows I am tired/sick/or stressed, andalways thanking me for what I do. What a great guy!
  • My husband makes my favorite breakfast on Saturdays and brings it to me in bed, he cleans the kitchen when I cook, he helps with the household choreswhen my schedule gets busy, he washes and maintains my car, he grocery shopswhen I cannot without complaining, and he prays for me!
  • Picks up the kids from school and makes sure homework is done and fixes dinner on the nights I work so I can sleep.
  • My spouse passed away nearly 5 years ago but he showed kindness by making sure my vehicle had gas, good wipers, etc. He also was willing to go out for mealswhen I was tired or felt bad.
  • He brings me little gifts that make my life better, because he pays attention. That is the greatest kindness, in my opinion.

(And from Auntie Em) My husband is very mechanically minded and handy, unlike me! He is always doing things that would be difficult for me, if I could do them at all, like hanging pictures. He indulges my hobbies like gardening by mowing and bagging mulch, even at houses other than ours, so we’ll have a huge stockpile. He built a serious trellis with treated lumber and cattle panel. He buys me jewelry. He takes me to my favorite Mexican restaurant even though he doesn’t like Mexican food that much. Oftentimes he will ask what he can do for me or what I need from him.  He hung a bright neon string from the garage ceiling so I’ll know how far to pull the car in, and put up party lights around our porch, AND set them up on a timer so they come on automatically. In addition to making our coffee,  he gets out my cup and all the accouterments that I use every day. He attends my choir’s concerts andphotographs and videos them. When one of us is away overnight he often leaves a card or my favorite candy under my pillow or in my suitcase. (Hot Tamales!)

Showing intentional kindness to our spouses is a good way to build up the love tank to overflowing. What kindness can you show to your spouse today?





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Being a husband is a high calling, and should be treated as such. It is a wonderful role with many benefits and joys that go along with it. But being a husband also comes with a lot of responsibilities. It takes a character that has been molded by God and is in the process of continual improvement in order to successfully juggle the responsibilities and expectations that God has placed on husbands.

Here is a list of 5 signs that men should work on and pray for God’s help in cultivating that will enable them to be biblical husbands.



Stewardship is the quality of one’s maturity and character, and how that maturity and character are acted out on a daily basis. One of the most common complaints wives have of their husbands is that they are not consistent with their roles and responsibilities within their marriage.

 ”As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace” ~ 1 Peter 4:10

Essentially, stewardship means faithfully handling all that God has entrusted you here on earth. Within the marriage relationship, that is a lot. As husbands, God has given us a wife, children, money, time, possessions, and many more things that we are to steward faithfully.


I am not referring to romantic feelings, or sex, or physical attraction, which are often thought of as synonymous with love. These often make up what people refer to as being “in love.” While these things can be great, they will ebb and flow with time. They are all wonderful things to have in a marriage, but none of them are unconditional.

 ”Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” ~Ephesians 5:25

True biblical love is like Christ’s love for the Church. Stuart Scott defines this type of love in The Exemplary Husband as “A selfless and enduring commitment of the will to care about benefit another person by righteous, truthful, and compassionate thoughts, words and actions.”

Biblical love has no ulterior motive, nor is it a feeling. It is always thinking of the other person, which in this case is the wife.


God makes it clear in the Bible that the husband is to be the leader in the marriage relationship. This is not worldly leadership, typified by the CEO of a company, or a military general, but Christ-like leadership, as modeled by Jesus in the scriptures.

A husband’s leadership is very different from worldly leadership. This is primarily because a biblical husband is a servant-leader, as exemplified by Christ. Although this sounds paradoxical, servanthood and leadership coalesce very naturally. Christ was the perfect model of a servant while at the same time being the ideal leader.

 ”It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:26-28

This service oriented type of leadership that husbands are to display should be sacrificial in nature, and includes the ability to be decisive and to take action when needed. The primary purpose of a husband’s leadership should be to guide his family in righteousness.



Simply put, service is humbly putting your wife’s needs before your own, consistently prioritizing her in the marriage relationship. A Godly husband is praying regularly for the ability to put aside his natural pride, and focusing on providing for the needs of his wife.

 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45

As was the case with the mark of leadership, Jesus is once again a perfect model for humble service. A husband should seek to have the mindset of Christ, that is, a focus on others without a desire for recognition or approval. Christ was always seeking to glorify God by selflessly serving others with no thought of his own needs. This is the mindset that a biblical husband should strive to have toward his wife.


This is a critical element, as poor communication is one of the biggest obstacles to a good marriage. The quality of a couple’s marriage is only as good as their ability to send and receive the correct message, right?

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Colossians 4:6

There are many components that make up good communication, both on the giving and the receiving end. However, I have found that husbands may tend to struggle in particular on the receiving end. We don’t listen well. That may be because we have a one-track mind, so when our wives start talking to us while we are otherwise occupied (watching the game, reading the news), and we simply don’t retain what they are saying. Or, it may be because we are so busy thinking about what our response is going to be that we don’t fully hear what they just finished saying.

Whatever the reason, listening is an important part of communication, and a husband endeavoring to develop good communication within their marriage should develop the ability to concentrate on what their wife is saying, refrain from interrupting, and carefully consider everything that is said.